#BelfastLife
"YOU HAVE TO GET LOST BEFORE YOU CAN BE FOUND."
18th May 2015
BLOG
17th June 2015
Beauty in the Mess
Often in my youth work in Youth Initiatives we speak about getting into the messes of life with young people. It's often challenging, tricky, and painful and most of the time... messy. The thing about messes though is we really much prefer to hide our messes. People don't want others to see the mess of their lives or necessarily be in the messes of others. Thats why we are often professional "small talkers." Take enough interest that you care, but not too much because you don't want to get into the mess of other people's lives. We would hate to intrude or anything.
And whenever anybody is coming over for a dinner or a cup of tea, we are quick to tidy up our house and throw things into our "junk drawer" or that "spare bedroom" in which no one should ever dare to enter unless they are wiling to risk bodily harm from a possible avalanche of random stuff.
Growing up, my dad would always tell me a story about whenever my Uncle David and him were kids no matter what the activity was- my Uncle David would always get dirtier than him. Even if they were doing the exact same thing. He would of course be telling me this when I was trying to bake cookies and the kitchen was covered with egg, flour, sugar, butter etc...
I'm a bit of a messy person. I like the sprawl out wherever I am. I was at a friends house for dinner last night for no more than 2 hours and when it came time to leave, I had to find my coat in one room and a scarf in the other. Often, my shoes are also in another location of the house. Being tidy and orderly is not my natural talents. I love the order of chaos. I think in some ways thats why I don't mind being in the messes of young people.
My first year of living in Belfast, God taught me the importance of seeing beauty in the midst of chaos/ messes. I was being prayed with and there was a tornado of "stuff" in my minds eyes distracting me from the prayer time. I took a deep breath and asked God what it meant. While all these things were spinning around me, we walked together and in the middle of a pile of stuff there was a little flower- just for me! I realised that don't have to have everything in my life figured out or organised but that God could help me find beauty and order in the middle of the mess if only I remain close to Him.
This has been a great practice in my life that I have tried to strive for- to find beauty in the messes. Whether this be my life, my desk at work, the city i live in, or the people I share life with, I try to see the beauty (particularly what God sees as beautiful) in the midst of the mess and chaos. I'm by no means perfect at it, but I am striving for it. Sometimes when life feels a bit overwhelming and I don't know what to do, I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and God shows me the flowers in the midst of it. May I never forget to look for the beauty in the messes.
My Provisional Licence
According to Google "provisional" means "arranged or existing for the present, possibly to be changed later."
A couple of weeks ago, I received my UK provisional licenses (learners permit). I've been dragging my feet about doing this for over a year, but decided that it was finally time! This spring has brought about a lot of internal change for me, especially in regards to how I view my life in Belfast. There are too many things on my "maybe one day" to do list and it's time to start checking things off.
Belfast is where God has me for the foreseeable future. Rather than continually questioning WHY or HOW LONG will I be here- it's time to just live life to the full in the place that God has planted me. It's a bit of a mind shift, but I am excited for the change in the air.
Last Monday, I had my first driving lesson, and it went really well. I have loads of studying to do for the theory test in which I will be taking in two weeks. Yes the rules of the road a bit different from America. It's time to stop moaning about my 11 years of driving experience and focus more on learning how to drive stick shift (manual) on the other side of the road.
I have a few friends who have studied linguistics and are fascinated with the roots and origins of words. The root of "provisional" is "provision" or "to provide for." I think of all the ways God has provided for me my entire life but especially while living in Belfast. I don't know what my future entails, but I do trust that God will provide for me. Unlike my provisional licenses- He won't be changing. So in this world of change I am truly secure and provided for. It makes trying new things and taking leaps of faith easier.
As much as relearning how to drive feels like taking a step backwards, I really know it's massively move forward in my life in Belfast and the growth God is doing in me. I hope to not have my provisional licenses long but I am excited for the learning I will do while having it.
ManMade Windows
Last Tuesday evening around 5:30 I packed up my things to leave work as I usually did. I went downstairs to say "hi" to the group of young men who had gathered for their Man Made project. A guy from Love for Life had just arrived to speak to them about the topic of sexuality. Not a subject I would want to stick around for.
I started to head out the door and noticed a couple guys trying to push these two young boys out the door. The boys were familiar to me. They were always running around the grounds of YI terrorising passerbyers and trying to sneak into the building. Last time they were in the building, they broke some equipment of ours. Needless to say they were not welcomed into the building.
I decided to ignore them knowing they would eventually leave until I saw the youngest one (7 years old maybe) start spitting on our door windows. He kept doing it over and over again and the guys were raging. It was time to intervene and I went over to ask where they boys lived, so i could bring them home. Squatting down to their level, I was slightly concerned that they would spit in my face. I wasn't making much progress with my chat with them.
That's when Conor one of the young ManMade volunteers (16 years old I think) came out with a rag saying "wash my windows now." He didn't rise his voice, he didn't threaten them, he just said firmly and with authority that the boys needed to wash the windows. The young one (who spat) ran away while the older one took the rag and began wiping the saliva off the windows. He than handed the rag to Conor and ran off too.
I was blown away by Conor's maturity and the way he handled the situation. I don't know very much about ManMade (it's for guys obviously), but I do know they look at characteristics that make real men rather than what media or society tells them. Conor could have lost his cool with the boys yelling at them or whacking them upside the head. Rather he showed them what responsibility looked like. Not only did Conor model this to the boys but also to his mates that were watching.
Our world is in desperate need of guys to be men. I'm so grateful for the ManMade programme who help and support the growth of Godly men. I pray that they can continue to step into manhood which is much much more than being macho but rather being responsible witness of God's call on their life. May these guys become ManMade Windows who transparently show the love of Christ in all that they do.
18th May 2015
Time for a Car
I really want a car. I think about it all the time as I walk from place to place watching nice shiny cars drive by. I get so excited for the time when I will have a car of my own.
And that’s my goal that next fall I’ll have a car of my own. It was one of things I missed most moving here, but the process was quite complicated to get a car or even to drive one. You have to be insured on the car in which you are driving rather than the way insurance works in the States. I also don’t know how to drive stick shift very well, which is a bit complicated. I hated the idea that after 10 years of driving, I would have to start over again. It just didn’t seem fair (especially since I let a Glasgowian borrow my car regularly during my gap year.) Couldn’t someone repay the favour?!
As much as I missed having a car, I also wasn’t very motivated to get a car. I began to really like walking to places and taking the bus. My legs have never been so muscular in all my days. I loved running into people on the bus or walking through the neighbourhood. It became my way of connecting with people and feeling apart of the community here.
But the time has come that I am ready to move onto the next step of my Belfast life. It’s time to get a car. I’m ready to step back, get my licenses again, take driving lessons, and look for a car to buy. It’s a long process, but I’m excited and ready to do it… almost!
At my last supervision, I was given pure lector about how I often say I want to get a car, yet am I really doing anything about it to move it forward… aka- working on my personal support raising. I need to increase the amount of money I make each month (which I need to anyways to live sustainable life here) as well as fundraise for a car.
Naturally I want to shrink back and say “it’s fine to just take the bus.” And it is just fine but I also know that I am entering into a new season of my Belfast life - one that includes more sustainability and long term vision. So I swallow my pride again, and go back to working on my fundraising.
By next fall, I have a goal of having a car. It’s about time I start working on it! I’ve sent away for my provisional licenses (learners permit) and I am spending time on my fundraising. They are small steps, but I can’t wait to have a car of my own!
Continue reading my blog HERE...
In the midst of a busy week of school retreats, my desk became a "catch all" and bit of a mess.
Yet I smiled each time I worked at it because of the flowers a friend brought me. :)
"I liked your talk.."
This weekend at spoke at Holy Family Parish where I grew up attending Mass and church functions with my family. I only had 5 or so minutes to share about the work I was doing in Belfast, Northern Ireland with Youth Initiatives and to invite people to join my support team. There are so many stories of my work and of the history of Belfast that I could have shared that I barely new where to begin.
I knew I needed a hook- something they would remember more than just "Sarah's continuing to do mission work." When I got up to speak, I asked my dad to walk in with a mirror covered with smeared dry soap. I began my talk with "sometimes it's hard to see ourselves clearly..." I shared about situations in my life and the lives of young people that I work with making it hard to see themselves clearly- never feeling good enough, sin, lack of education, never being told I love you just to name a few. I continued sharing that I too haven't always been able to see myself clearly, but through attending this parish and encountering God's light, love, and truth I began to see who God truly created me to be- His Beloved.
I continued to share for a couple of minute about the missionary work I do with middle and high school youth who can't see themselves clearly through our school, parish, and youth programmes sharing a story about a girl named Katie who I have journeyed alongside this past year speaking the light and love of Christ into her life. In all the mission work I've done, I can't do it alone. I need the prayers, support, and encouragement of so many. I'm so blessed to have grown up in a parish that has supported my missions work so generously and faithfully. I ended my sharing asking people to continue to support financially either through one time donation or on a monthly basis.
After Mass, I stood in the back handing out support forms and shaking hands of encouraging parishioners. My favourite person that I talked to today was a little girl named Norah. Doughnut in hand, she stopped by me and said "I liked your talk." She was 10 years old, and I was intrigued by what she liked about it so I asked her "what did you like about my talk?" as we sat down so she could eat her doughnut. "I liked the mirror part. How your sins are still there even when you can't see them." I was shocked by how much she picked up from what I wasn't saying as much as she was about what I was saying. Afraid that she might think that are sins stick with us forever I asked her what she thought it meant when the mirror was being wiped off. "It's like when Jesus takes your sins away."
Exactly! We can't see ourselves clearly until Jesus takes our sins away. Then we can see ourselves perfectly as Christ as created us to be. To see ourselves clearly as He sees us clearly.
I was amazed and in awe of this little girl, and how deep her understanding of faith was. It reminded me of how we are called to have faith as a child. I was honored to be able to sit down with her as I met her two younger brothers Finn and Sullivan and her Mom and Dad. I was able to share briefly about Ireland and they were able to ask questions. I asked Norah to pray for me after giving her one of my prayer book marks, and I know she will.
I thank God for children like Norah. I pray that their family decides to support me this year. I need faithful people like Norah and her family who pray with childlike faith completely dependent on God. I'm excited to continue coming back each year and build on this relationship with their family. This is what it means to have a support team back home in Iowa. People who will keep me accountable and support me- yes with their finances but also with their prayers, love, and encouragement.
To see more about the missionary work I am doing in Belfast or to see how you can become a supporter- check out this website!
17th June 2015
13th Sept 2015
Working from Home
I don't know why, but I absolutely love being able to work from home. Like I really really love it. I love the creative flow that comes from sitting on my couch and typing away. I love being able to spread out around the house and walk around bare foot... wait I do that in work too... I love how I can get so much done in two hours without any interruptions. I like walking to the fridge to get a snack out without wondering who it might belong too.
Sometimes in Belfast I can work from home for a couple of hours before going to lead a session at St. Colm's high school. The school is a ten minute walk away, so why walk 20 minutes up to YI and then 30 minutes back to St. Colms in order to walk (by now I would get a taxi) 30 minutes back up. Sometimes working from home is a time saver!
This week, I've been reminded of the joys of working from home. After praying and seeking wisdom from Belfast peeps, I decided that I am going to stay in the States for two extra weeks. I was feeling incredibly anxious and overwhelmed by the amount of work and fundraising I needed to do while at the same time getting a break and spending time with my family. God in His goodness opened up doors for me to be able to stay until the end of September. I am able to get both a taste of summer and autumn in one visit as well as work on fundraising and spend extra time with family. Beyond excited!
But I'm not just on holiday chilling out in the States for 4.5 weeks. I'm literally working from home and I love it! I have "work days" and "vacay days." Even though I am thousands of miles away from Belfast, I can sit on my computer for a couple of hours in the morning emailing and meeting with people in YI. It's amazing! Then in the evenings, I can meet with prospective supporters sharing the vision of what I am doing in Belfast and inviting them to be apart of my support team.
What I love best is that I'm at home, so I can take a break step outside in the sun. Have an afternoon nap. Read three books at once and know that I will finish them all. Drink coffee and eat buns while chatting with my mom. It is so restorative yet I can get the things I need to get done done.
In the midst of all of this, I am reading the book "Boundaries." What a better way to practice boundaries then when I am working thousands of miles away and I sometimes just have to shut down the computer and say "done." This is something I am so bad at doing yet feel like I have the grace to start practicing now. Order- it's a good thing especially when you can practice it in a controlled environment. Like I said, I LOVE working from home!
You may be wondering why don't I just stay. The thing is, I can't. As much as I love being at home in the States, I know Belfast is where I am meant to be. I can't just work from behind a computer or sit in my house hanging with my fam. For now it's a season, a season in which I am incredibly grateful for but a season none the less. In this season of "Working from Home," I'll enjoy my afternoon naps, walks around town, movies with my mom, meetings with locals and be restored by it all. For when I get back to Belfast, I want to hit the ground running for that's where God has placed my mission and I can't wait to get back to my other home up at YI in the heart of Poleglass.
1st Sept 2015
Fruit that Remains
"Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing." "Remain in my love." Two summers ago, I was led to these words in the Gospel of John chapter 15 during our busy summer scheme program. "without me you can do nothing..." What powerful words. What truth. What wisdom. As I began my first summer with Youth Initiatives I needed to be continually rooted and remain close to the branch of Christ. Without Christ we can do nothing.
Each morning, I reread the words of John 15 allowing God's word to seep into my soul.
"It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain." Fruit that will remain. I know as a missionary we often don't get the privilege to see the fruit of our labors. There are so many stories of missionaries who were out in the field for years and years without any change or lives given over to the Lord, yet they remained faithful trusting the God who chose them.
Even though, I know this can be the case for many missionaries, I'm grateful that it is not my experience. Rather I am blessed to see so much fruit around me. When I begin to question my job or what I'm doing, a friend would often ask me to stop and look around seeing the fruit of my labours. Yet I know it's not because of anything I have done, but rather what God has done in and through me. "By this is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples."
Paul says "Therefore, neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who causes the growth." -1 Corinthians 3.7
Over the past three years, I have seen so much growth in the lives of young people I work with. Often I can get discouraged doing faith based work because so many people just don't care or are complacent. Often young people don't want to change or work to improve their lives. But I've learned that this work is a very very slow work and I have to look for "extraordinary ordinaries." Moments that could just be overlooked, but are actually ordinary. A softening of hearts, a moment of respect, a prayer said aloud, picking up rubbish, an honest conversation, a tear shed, responsibility taken, a question of faith, a penny dropping, a light bulb going on, etc. "Extraordinary Ordinaries" Fruit being born. Lives being transformed. Miracles being witnessed.
There has been a group of girls I have poured into for the past 3 years and particularly this summer. I've been so grateful to see hope awakened faith come alive, and fruit springing forth in them. I asked them to share something about our time together and how they have grown. I don't tell you these things to boast, but rather to thank God for the growth that He has caused. I am humbled and grateful that He keeps pruning me in order that my life may bear fruit. It isn't an easy process, but it is such a gift from God. Because without Him we can do nothing...
From the Girls:
"I have learned from you that it's ok to struggle sometimes and find things hard to believe and ask questions a lot."
"You're always positive and ready to go."
"You've taught me to stop and think about my options before reacting to situations."
"I feel comfortable confiding in you when things aren't so great and you help me to cherish life when it is going well. You've taught me also that beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
"You've helped me grow in my faith."
Fruit that Remains... I've always loved gardening, but only God knows how and when the fruit/ veg/ flowers will grow. He is the one who causes it to grow. We just need to be faithful with our part- planting or weeding or tilling or watering or replanting or... we must be faithful and remain in His love for that is the only way in which we can bear fruit that remains. We must bear fruit that remains because it is only then that we can truly be Christ's disciples- His followers- His friends but it is only by remaining in Him or else it is all for nothing. "Remain in me as I remain in you... I am the vine, and you are the branches."